You don’t need a mentor, at least not this way.
“The best teachers are those who tell you where to look — but don’t tell you what to see.” — Alexandra K. Trenfor
Before I start, I believe this may be my first controversial article but definitely not the last. However, what is written here is based on my experience over the years but still isn’t a standard or yardstick for everyone to operate, capiche? In my short four years of being involved actively with tech, I have observed a couple of stuff happen repetitively over the years. One of them being, the hunt abi search for mentors.
I believe mentors are very important however the emphasis placed on them can be overemphasised at times. We are being blasted by messages from different areas on how mentors are important. Ranging from social media, tech conferences and even places of worship. Then we start to feel it, yes, the FOMO (Fear of missing out) begins to slip into our minds. It’s understandable, if there was a quicker way to get the work done I believe I’ll also take that chance too.
We realise that and we decide to take the advice but then there’s a problem. The people we reached out to for mentorship are not available. Do we blame them? Not at all, they have their job(s), and their family and are probably in a relationship. This means lesser time for themselves, thus limiting how much they can do for others.
There’s also another problem. We tend to forget that mentorship must not be from direct contact, it can come in different forms. According to the University of California, mentorship exists in these forms;
Traditional One-on-one Mentoring:
A mentee and mentor are matched, either through a program or on their own. Mentee-mentor partners participate in a mentoring relationship with structure and timeframe of their making or as established by a formal mentoring program.Distance Mentoring:
A mentoring relationship in which the two parties (or group) are in different locations. Sometimes called “virtual” mentoring.Group Mentoring:
A single mentor is matched with a cohort of mentees. Initial program structure is provided while allowing mentor to direct progress, pace and activities.
I currently do not have anyone I can point out to that is a direct mentor to me, yet this has not stopped me from gaining things from people who align with my goal from a distance. Thanks to the internet, there are a lot of people who aren’t aware of my existence that I have learnt a lot from. I see their tweets, their articles, and their talks and I pick out things that are relevant to me and sieve out what’s not really important to me. That way I don’t have to wait till someone answers my DM before I can start learning from them.
Last but not least, why do you feel once you get the mentors you’ll suddenly blow? Some of you, this is what you have in the back of your mind when looking for a mentor. It’s not that you want to put in the work or get better through having a mentor but rather you want access to opportunities. I get a “My boss can you mentor me?” text and next thing, “I dey find frontend roles oh” almost immediately. Once again I understand the rationale behind your actions, sapa is real. However before someone refers anyone for a job, I’m pretty sure it is someone who they can vouch about their skills. After all, connections can land you the job but what you know keeps you there.
So what should you do?
Honestly, “Do you”.
Just kidding, felt like using that phrase I learnt from my ex.
Leverage communities: The initial name I had for this article was, “You don’t need a mentor; find a community” but you are somehow related to Sherlock Holmes so you figured it was altered. Communities are important and as someone who has been a community builder for over four years, I can point out many success stories tied to the tech communities present on my campus. The major problem is people at times don’t know the benefits so they tend to underutilize communities. Be free to express yourself in any community you are in, in adherence to the community guidelines. Rather than asking someone on the community channel a work-related question in private, why not ask it in the general group? That way others will be able to learn from the question you have and you have access to a larger pool of input. Also, people are watching whether you like it or not, that way when opportunities pop up, you would be among the first to pop up in people’s minds.
Have something to offer: Before shooting your mentorship shots or questions, try in the words of crypto bros, to do your own research. The internet is free, use it to your advantage. Don’t be lazy to do your own research, this helps prepare you for the work ahead. That way when you ask questions, you’ll have a better way of structuring the questions so as to get the right answers you seek. Also, you may feel that a mentorship relationship is a one-way flow of knowledge, well that’s wrong. As you learn from our mentors, you ought to also show them something they can learn from you.
Don’t ignore peer group influence: Most times when we talk about mentors, the mental image we have is someone who is very advanced in our particular field of endeavour. However, there’s a demography we tend to overlook, our friends. As much as they may not be directly in the same career path we have chosen, there’s always a thing or two to learn from them. Something that I have been grateful for is how we were able to and are still pushing ourselves in our tech journey. From interview tips we share, to resume reviews we do for each other, to salary discussions we have etc. We all started together in the trenches and now we are seeing groundnuts to add to our garri, no one can come and tell me they are too busy to respond when I need them Plus they are my gees, so I feel very comfortable conversing without a need for any official tone. So find people who are hungry and ambitious in a good way and see how things turn out for you folks.
Avoid entitlement mentality: The truth is unless it is a paid mentorship program, how and when someone decides to reply to you is up to them. Some have the time to inform you of their inability to mentor you while some may be too busy to do so and end up airing you. So don’t have it in mind that mentoring you is something that is their responsibility. If they take you up, it is a beautiful opportunity but if they don’t, it is still fine.
In the end, do what works for you as life has no formula to it.
That’s all I have this time and as usual, I’ll be looking forward to hearing your opinions in the comment section. Thanks for reading through, Adiós.
